Chris Burns Inc.

Be the comic you want to see in the world

courtingcomedy:

“The Loudest, Fastest Abraham Lincoln Poem Ever” by Bucky Sinister. Album: Sensitive Badass. Year: 2011.

he’s awesome and a very nice human being.

SF Punchline • Things You Can’t Say in San Francisco (by chrisburnscomedy)

Hey look! It’s MEEEEEEEE

You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?

Jalal al-Din Rumi

I asked to take a picture with the two employees of the month at the Dunkin Donuts in Central Falls, RI. They told me that they loved watching me on my talk show “The Rosie O’Donnell Show.”

I asked to take a picture with the two employees of the month at the Dunkin Donuts in Central Falls, RI. They told me that they loved watching me on my talk show “The Rosie O’Donnell Show.”

Bouncing

  • Me: I think he's a bouncer at some gay clubs.
  • Chris Burns: What's he bouncing? Balls off his chin?
emilyheller:

Re-post re-post re-post! LESS THAN 2 WEEKS AWAY!!!

I’m in this! Oh my god!

emilyheller:

Re-post re-post re-post! LESS THAN 2 WEEKS AWAY!!!

I’m in this! Oh my god!